Oh it has been a while since I wrote a blog. I have no idea why I stopped writing. My last blog was a year ago. You can read it by clicking —> I did it!

After IBJJF Rome in 2022 I decided that it was time to seek advice about my weight. There reason is that I found myself constantly going up in weight category. My ideal competition weight is -64kg and I kept going up to -70kg because there was no one of my age, belt and weight at -64Kg. So I started the journey of weight increase. By IBJJF Euros 2023 I was at ideal weight for the competition weighing at 63.5kg with the Gi. I felt good and strong. I also won Euros 2023 at -64Kg. At my age and belt it is difficult to find. So I decided to go up in weight class. This means I had to increase my food intake. So I did just that. At Euros 2024 I weight 66,5kg with Gi. Not bad!

Fast forward to 2023 at preparation for Euros 2024

It did not go as the year before. I was not focussed as the year before. November and December were the months to prepare for Euros. I did not form part of the “elites” of the dojo to do after class trainings. I was not sparring after class like it did the previous year. I was not drilling in the garage like I did the previous year. Everything was different. I was training 4x a week, but that is not enough for a competition of this calibre. It just isn’t.

I was very negative in the whole process. Blaming stuff on others (in my head) when I was the one that had to put the work in. It is I who has to push myself. Teammate won’t do it and Sensei won’t either. They will help and guide you if you show the commitment and hart to go all the way. The reality is that I do not have the hart anymore. That winning drive that I had a year back is not there. I talk a lot with my Sensei about what’s going on with me. As the trainings went by I was still not comfortable with how things were going, but weirdly enough I was not doing anything to change that either. So I accepted it for what it was, which is not what I normally do. During Graduation Seminar December 2023 all competitors for Euros 2024 had to endure a modified shark tank. I was taken out half way by Sensei. I asked Sensei not to take me out, but the decision was made. Then it hit me; I am not ready and I can’t keep up!

IBJJF Euros 2024

2 Weeks before Euros I told Sensei, Andy and Sven that Euros was going to be my last tournament. Sensei Looked at me with a certain look. He first thought that I said that I was going to stop training all together. I spoke with Sven about it and he asked me why. So I told him my reasons and his advice was; do the tournament come back and focus on what you like about BJJ. Andy told me; “ I have heard that before, you might change your mind in the futute”.

Side note: Andy, Sven and I have the same Sensei. Andy has his own BJJ school and so does Sven. I train on Sundays at Sven’s and I assist and teach twice a week the kids class at Andy’s.

The day we travelled to Paris I was nervous. I had to compete in 2 days, and I was not feeling it. The nerves went away and came back for the coming 2 days. It didn’t feel like that energy that you can use once you step on the mats. It felt more like, not have reached the level of preparations and knowing that it was not going to go well. When we reached the hotel and checked I started to get an headache. We went for dinner and that helped a bit. that night i slept like shit. Why is that that the first night one sleeps bad. Oh and the heating of the room could not be turned off. That made it worst. The next day a Sunday I was a wreck. Marvin, the golden boy and my roommate, had to compete that day. Sensei, Andy and Kon were on there way from NL. Marving won and became Euro Champion and got promoted on the podium. He received his purple belt from Sensei. We were all so happy for him. He is a beast and deserves it!

Ok this was unexpected. I was finished writing this blog and wanted to save it when I got a message saying that the blog can not be saved because I got logged out. So the part that you see here above is the section that I managed to save. The part here below I had to re-write. Thank you Squarespace!

Competition day

After I woke up that morning and feeling miserable for 2 days, I decided to head out to the warming up area of the arena. I ran for a good while, I stretched and did push ups and sprawls. My body reacted good to the exercise and my 2 days headache was gone. I went back to my room where I too a shower and we headed out for breakfast. After a while Erik, Teammate from Kuma, and his gf joined us. Sensei and Kon arrived a bit later. We all had a good chat. I felt good right there and then.

The wait
The wait wasn’t that bad this year to be honest compared to last year when I had to wait 5 days to compete at the end of the day. This time around I had to wait 2 days, but still it sucks. I find it difficult to deal with the nerves before a competition. It is so bad that it consumes me completely. I wanted to eat a warm meal at noon, but I opted for an açai bowl instead with raspberries, banana, and honey. After my lunch I went back to my room where I lay down in bed. Soon enough it was time to change and head to the arena. Btw, the arena is across the hotel, 1 min walk for the hotel and you reach the arena. I changed into my Gi (Kimono) and I headed to weigh-in and Gi inspection.

The Match
After I passed weigh-in and Gi inspections I looked for a place in the pit to stand and focus out the arena like I did last year; nothing! I was even standing in the way from officials, not a good sign. I finally found a spot so I tried starting my breathing exercise like I did last year, Noting! I could not find my focus. “Jairo Alexander?!”; they called my name so it was time to go to mat #2. Same mat as last year. At the mat another participant was in my way. Where I supposed to stand next to the score board, there was a photographer sitting on the floor. He had to get up and move, so I was able to stand there. “This is not how this should go”, I thought. Finally on the mat and my nerves were less, but not gone. We greeted the referee said our names, greeted each other and the referee said that famous word in Portuguese: “Combate!”.

First thing that came to my mind when my opponent grabbed my Gi was; “holy fuck, the strength”; I’ve never experienced this much strength during any of my competitions. By then I was completely thrown off. I waited too long with guard pull, my DLR was mediocre at best and it was on my weak side. We scrambled, he pass my non existent guard and I got arm triangled. Euros 2024 was over!

The Talk

When I headed back from mat 2 to the stands, Kon was there with me. He took me to Sensei where we talked. I will not reveal what we talked about since the talks with Sensei about me on the mats is something I treasure. But he was right in every aspect. There is something fundamental that I have to work on and it has nothing to do with how I do on the mat. There is work to be done!

Mom

As said in my previous blog, my mom is a fan of mine when it comes to martial arts. Back in the 80’s when I was practicing Kyokushin, she was the one bringing to competitions. So after taking to Sensei, I sent my mom a message informing her that I lost my first match and that I am out of the tournament. Her reply:

” You were too nervous, and you did not have self-confidence to go for the win!”.

It’s like she was here with me all these days and knew exactly what happened.

Lessons learned

2023 is in the past. Yes, it all lined up perfectly and that is also why I became champion. But this will not always be the case. This is what I have to learn to deal with. As a martial arts practitioner I always got my self confidence and mental fortitude out of the work I put in. If my training is not up to par or even at the level, I want it to be I need to learn to deal with it. I need to learn to deal with setbacks and disappointments and keep moving forward. I need to learn to convert the competition nerves into competition fuel and use that energy in my favour. I did it once, so that means it is in me to do it again. One thing is certain; If I am not able to manage all of the above, I do not see myself registering for a competition anytime soon.