It's me against me
IIt has been a while since I have written a blog. The last time was July of 2022. I used to keep a list of blog titles that I would like to write about. I have deleted that list because I am more of a “write what has been bothering you” kind of writer.
With that said there has been something bothering me. Well it is a combination of several things . Recovery, Self inflicted Pressure, (Own) Expectations, Results; are among the things that I have been dealing with.
Rcovery:
I have lost a lot of weight during all the years that I have been training BJJ. I hit a low point at my last competition, IBJJF Rome International, where the scale read 61.5 KG / 135.5 Lbs with the Gi on. I was fighting in - 70kg / 154lbs class. When my natural walk around weight is 66Kg / 145 Lbs. So, I was 5Kg underweight. It had not only to do with not eating enough, but also with the fact that my Nutrition was not what it should be. On my last day in Rome, we went to lunch with all the members of our Team and during lunch this topic came up. As Faith may have it we had a Macro Nutritionist and Micro Nutritionist sitting at the table. They started asking me simple questions like:
what do i eat ?
how many times a day do I eat
what supplements do i take?
what my rest / recovery scheme
I will spare you the details, but it came down to that it was not enough. Not even close. I was given advice on how to start improving my nutrition. I went from eating 3 squares a day to eating 5 times a day. I still do intermittent fasting but not as often as I used to.
I train 4x a week BJJ and I go to the gyn 2x a week. The amount of sleep that I am having is still not enough. I am looking for ways to recover faster or to have a recovery day now and then. I am not 25 anymore and I am starting to feel that.
Self inflicted pressure
With self inflicted pressure i am referring to what do I expect from myself. This part has different forms and shapes. I put a lot of negative pressure on myself if I stay home because of an injury, fatigue, or I just couldn’t make it to training for another reasons. This one is pretty bas as I beat myself down because I am not on the mats. I do not forgive myself for missing trainings. I even get unreasonable about it. The thought behind this is simple; I MUST be standing on the mats with my teammates. They are training, I should be training. End of discussion. If I am not that is because I am WEAK!
(Own) Expectations
Oh this monster is an extension of the self inflected pressure that I apply to my self. I have high expectations of myself with regards to training routine, ability to get a technique quickly, rolling with everybody on the mats. I want to be on the Mats at least 4x per week, I want to be able to understand all the ins and outs of the technique faster, and I will roll with anyone (big or small). I want to go toe to toe with young thunder cats or higher belts and either be dominant or survive the roll by not getting submitted.
The reality
The reality of it all is that all this in in my head and although it seems bullshit there are some aspects that I need to be careful with, my recovery and my nutrition. Un till now at each graduation my Sensei starts with the joke; “Are you the oldest here today? Remember that you are not 25 anymore”. That is a reality check that I am presented with every day. No, I am not 25 anymore, but between the ears I think I am. My body is in complete disagreement with that. I am starting to listen more and more to my body and understanding what it is telling me. I have not done so in the past and it I am paying the price today,
I have been doing that. I have been listening to my body for the past couple of months. Since I got back from Rome, eating better and more often, getting those break days in despite of my self-inflicted pressure mindset.
I have a huge tournament coming up in the last week of January - IBJJF EUROS. I am doing my best to get to the tournament as fit and on weight as possible. At he end of the day; It’s me against me!
